I woke up at 7am and went into the temple (after feeding the cats — always feed the cats first!). It was about 7:10am when I started by lighting a few tealights and doing some deep breathing. Then I invoked Ashtaroth using her enn: Tasa Alora foren Ashtaroth
I used my astral key and went into my temple to find Ashtaroth in the work room drying out bundles of what looked like sage. Don’t think this imagery was lost on me. Sage itself is an herb of cleansing and clearing. Starting over with a fresh slate. The process of drying the herbs suggests that something new is about to begin. After all – we start with a seed (idea), we allow it to grow, then we harvest and dry it, and finally we add it to what we’re doing. Whether it be adding it to food or drink, or mixing it with other things to create an oleum, incense, or magickal powder of some type. It’s time to start adding something more to my work. There wasn’t much conversation during the ascension. I simply started helping hang the herbs to dry. The alarm on my phone went off at 7:45. So I pulled myself out, closed the ritual space with a polite thank you, and went to get ready for the office.
As I was driving to work a few thoughts entered my head.
- I realized that when working on a project, the longer I think about it — the time I spend thinking about it — actually provides depth and strength to said project. So while pushing through to meet deadlines and word counts seems preferable, it is okay to work on something else while another thing percolates.
- I berated and beat myself up for all the things I have been slacking on including walking, getting the house in order, and doing the tax prep for my accountant. Of course once I realized this I stopped myself and tried to approach these issues with more self acceptance and self love. I’ll work on the taxes this weekend, and find time to do some house chores as well. I plan on getting some walking in, some writing in, and all of my Daemonolatry to-dos….. UGH Overwhelmed. I have too much to do and I can’t really hire any of it out. My husband is great when it comes to cooking, laundry, and cleaning the kitchen, but beyond that – meh. Not that he can’t do it, but I prefer to do some things myself. It’s hard when your focus is working two full time jobs, running an online shop, and doing readings because yours is the only income. I haven’t been able to focus on the other parts of life (except earning an income to thrive in this crazy inflated economy) because quite frankly – life is expensive. Sure, we could get a smaller house, but that’s not really an option because rents for tiny one bedroom apartments cost as much as our mortgage on a five bedroom, three bath house right now. Thank you, marijuana. This overwhelmed feeling really is a huge obstacle. Moving out of state isn’t an option since my family and friends are all here and my parents aren’t getting any younger. Plus – I have a good job here that I could go back to 5-6 days a week if I absolutely needed to. So I’m not willing to sacrifice my friends and family, or a potential for secure extra income, for a cheaper state to live in. It is what it is and I need to suck it up and deal with it. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind being the bread winner, but when you literally make your living $1 at a time, it really fucks with your creative process and amplifies the stress levels. I do make enough for us to continue the same lifestyle we had when we were a two income family — but it DOES require me to bust my ass. I suppose the question then is, do I step it down a notch, keep moving and let go or let Daemon. LOL! The Sorath work I’m doing later this year is meant to help boost my writing career to a level where I can take a weekend to clean my house and go take a walk instead of feeling tied to the computer 24/7. Or perhaps the anxiety I feel is self created. Because I do tend to take time to relax and spend time with family when I can. I just always feel like I should be working. So maybe that’s something else I need to look at. Workaholism is a bitch.
Tarot Card of the Day: Eight of Cups – the card of the spirit quest or spiritual journey. It’s about deciding what to leave behind as you move forward. Not surprisingly, quitting smoking has come up again. I had quit for nine years and here I am, smoking again for the last 7 months. I need to quit. So this is part of the work and I know I can do it, I just don’t know how bad I really want to, yet. I need to get over my disappointment in myself and the hopelessness I feel about my career and move forward with love for myself, and confidence and excitement about my work. Small baby steps.
End of Day Notes:
It was a hectic day. Got locked out of my office. Didn’t get as much done as I wanted. Felt torn in three or four different directions. At my day job I work 26-34 hours a week doing the job of two full time people. I am doing A/R (around 200 accounts), HR and Payroll for about 50 people, and I fill in as needed. My sister helps me with the A/R and some of the HR stuff, but she has her own job, too. So today was end of month and billing, and Monday is payroll prep. It was like having a stick of chaos shoved up my ass. But then that is the day job in a nutshell. When it’s slow it’s slow. When you get a lot done – you get a lot done. When it’s chaos, it’s like being ass raped. I am hoping tomorrow is better. I feel like I need some rest.