A Malkuth of Me,  life,  random,  thoughts

To Keep Silent

This month I’ve been ruminating on this particular power of the Sphinx. To Keep Silent.

This isn’t just applicable to magick. I’m learning that it can be applied to ALL aspects of one’s life, and while keeping my magick under wraps is easy for me, shutting the hell up and keeping my damned opinions to myself just isn’t something I’m good at. If I think it, I say it. That level of honesty is not a good thing. It tends to piss folks off.

While I am not so concerned about my big, horribly honest mouth online, because I do tend to heavily self-edit when it comes to the written word, I am rather concerned about it offline.

My honest, no holds barred big mouth has pissed off family, friends, co-workers, and even customers over the years. A few months back a customer wanted us  to put up thousands of our money to back their business and they would pay us back the following month. I told him no. We didn’t have that kind of cash flow, nor could we afford to do that. Nor was I allowed to.  He came back with, “We give you a LOT of business.”

Well, his “a lot of business” only amounted to about $1000 a month worth of business and he wanted us to put up $300+ per car for 5-6 calls a month. Basically, for every $1000 or so that he spent with us, he wanted us to front him $1500+ a month.  I could have just directed him to my manager and been done with it. The manager could have said no and we could have all moved on.

But no, I was honest with him and told him that we didn’t do *that* much business with him, and we couldn’t afford to front him that kind of money for 30+ days at a time. This, in turn, pissed him off and we ended up losing the account. We probably would have lost it either way since my bosses would never have agreed to this either.

These are the instances wherein I need to learn to shut up.

Of course the problem is also that I have a Mars/Mercury conjunct. It makes me rather confrontational. I LOVE confrontation. I find it invigorating. This can also be a problem. Add my big mouth to a love for confrontation and you know exactly why my p/t day job keeps me in the back office in the corner. You’ll also know why I have the reputation for being a big meanie head.

I’m blunt. I say what I think and feel. I go to work to work and go home. I am not there to make friends, chat, or get personal. I am there to do a job. So when people walk into my office and bug me when I’m busy, I will get annoyed and tell them to go away. If someone misunderstands what I’m saying, I will slow down and explain things in a very precise manner (that some may find rather offensive) so that we’re all on the same page.  Let’s just say I’m that co-worker most people hate. Usually I’m having a good day until someone else brings their petty emotions or drama into the equation.

Also – my give-a-fuck broke back in 2010 and I’ve never gotten around to getting it fixed. Don’t think I want to.

And THIS is precisely the problem. I don’t know how to just hold back how I really feel and STFU. To Keep Silent.

So this month I think I’m going to try to keep my mouth shut, keep my opinions to myself, and simply NOT speak my mind about ANYTHING. Clearly speaking gets me into a lot of trouble with other people. Why? Because people don’t want honesty or truth. They want others to suck their ass 24/7.

Oh wait, I just did it again, didn’t I?  Perhaps it’s a futile endeavor? Maybe keeping silent is highly over-rated? Or maybe it ONLY applies (or only should apply) to magick and the occult.

Have you ever tried “To Keep Silent”?  Does it work for you? Did you end up with ulcers, cancer or high blood pressure for holding it all in? Or did you choose to have yourself medicated? Because let’s face it – most people wouldn’t be medicated if it weren’t for other people.

People are dicks (myself included).

But hell, don’t keep silent! Share your “To Keep Silent” stories below. Are you a big mouth, like me? Or the strong, silent type?

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at swordarkeereon@gmail.com


  • laura

    I don’t have a big mouth and I tend to keep silent about what or who is bugging me…for the most part. But I do bitch about them in my head and keep going over and over, to myself, the things that are bugging me. That’s not very healthy either I don’t think. I’m scared to fall out with people. But I’m getting better at un-friending and blocking people on Facebook, if only it was that easy in real life 😀

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