A Malkuth of Me,  mail bag,  S. Connolly,  satanism,  Spirituality

Setting Boundaries Does Not Equal Unelightenment

Any time I openly set boundaries about certain types of reader email or make mention of the things in the occulture that I find irritating, I am occasionally met with some variation of the following response:

“You asked for this [people wasting your time and being trolling assholes] by writing books. Quit complaining. You make money from this. So maybe you should STFU, stop answering questions [if you get too many emails that cross boundaries], and concentrate on writing more books. Work on yourself.”

This response makes so many assumptions and when I think about the times I’ve set boundaries, or voiced a complaint over the years, this response has some interesting connotation.

  1. It makes the assumption that because I have a Youtube Channel and write books, that I should expect and endure people making shitty comments about my looks or personal life. Reality: While I do expect trolls as that’s the nature of the internet, I‘m not going to let bad behavior go unaddressed. I will say something. I am doing a disservice to women everywhere if I silently endure such public abuse – as that’s akin to saying: “It’s okay. Keep doing it.”
  2. It makes the assumption that I should never feel irritated when people fill my email with questions that can be answered by reading my books. Reality: I will openly tell others what irritates me whether one person likes it or not. If I don’t share what’s annoying, how will others know that I find it annoying? Communication like this is important and shows emotional intelligence. Even if it unintentionally hurts someone’s feelings.
  3. It makes the assumption that I should be silent and endure whatever anyone throws at me. As if making a living writing somehow gives the general public ownership of me. Reality: No one owns me. If you don’t like that, don’t buy my books. I never starting writing books about Daemonolatry to make money, the Daemonolatry books are not the bulk of my writing income so….
  4. It insists that I should never set boundaries with people, ever. After all – they own me now and if I didn’t want to be owned, I should have never written anything, or made money off it. Reality: Wrong again.
  5. It says that if I do have a complaint or if I do set a boundary with anyone I am unenlightened and need to work on myself. Nevermind the fact that the reason I do openly share my complaints and set boundaries is due to the fact that I do know myself and I know what I will and will not tolerate. Reality: I’m not turning the other cheek. I’m not a Christian.

Basically, the gist of that typical troll response is always the equivalent of “Shut up, endure it, and write, you unenlightened bitch.”

Well, I’m not going to shut up and sit down and let strangers treat me however they wish, and I would hope no one reading this would allow strangers to do that to them either. (BTW — this is some of the most sexist shit, and for the women reading this — don’t ever let a man tell you to shut up and sit down. Because it’s always men who make these shitty comments and I often wonder if they’d say the same thing to a male occult author. I doubt it.)

A lot of people erroneously believe that being “spiritual” or “enlightened” means being completely unaffected by the world around them – never feeling anger or annoyance and completely purging any unwelcome emotion from their lives instead of feeling the emotion, identifying the cause of that emotion, and choosing a reaction.

Humans are flawed, emotional, social creatures. It is in our nature to react to our environment and those around us. Sometimes that reaction is to open our mouths and tell others about what we will or will not put up with, much to the chagrin of those who want us to keep our opinions to ourselves and remain “compliant” because it’s more comfortable for THEM.

People who practice any type of LHP philosophy and think this purging of emotion and reaction is the goal for every magician would be wrong.

The reality is that being adept is about creating the life we want and choosing what we will put up with in our lives. It’s about manifesting one’s true will. It’s about purposefully choosing our responses to our emotions. This doesn’t mean that enduring the bullshit of others is a requirement. It doesn’t mean never having an emotional reaction that others don’t like. It doesn’t mean being quiet, enduring frustration, and never setting boundaries.

It means it’s up to each person to put his/her foot down and draw a line in the sand when necessary. Yes – sometimes when you are honest with how you feel you become the bad guy because you’re telling someone that they can’t do or say whatever they want without consequences.

There is no shame in having a good rant now and again. There’s no shame in being annoyed by certain things in your email, or angry about how you were treated. There’s no shame in making mistakes. There is nothing spiritually inferior about the person who tells a troll to fuck off. Go ahead set boundaries. Nothing in Daemonolatry says you have to shut up and sit down.

I am often curious when humans decided that spiritual enlightenment meant denying one’s own nature, being emotionless, being perfect, and accepting abuse from others. Probably Christianity with that “turn the other cheek” business. Which is funny because I thought spiritual enlightenment was about knowing yourself and acting on that knowledge to manifest your true will.  After all, “Man know thyself – and thou shalt know the gods.”

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at swordarkeereon@gmail.com


  • John De Witt

    Thanks for your post. I truly appreciate your knowledge and dedication to the LHP. I can only say one thing to those who criticize your work and are ignorant.

    Fuck them.

    Hail Satan!!

  • J. Parker

    Hi there. I just wanted to say, this really sparked some strong emotion in me. I wouldn’t know how to respond in such a positive way. I typically run away and just take all my work with me, removing it from the internet completely.

    I’ve made the mistake of asking you dumb-ass questions (and saying some crazy shit) too. And I’m sorry about that. Re-reading has significantly helped, and I probably should have just been more confident in myself, and just done the work and read more closely.

    Thanks for posting. 🙂 All I can really say is, just keep being you and you’re totally right in telling shitty people to fuck off. I usually don’t put it together that letting people get away with their bullshit is equivalent to permitting them to continue doing it. So, thanks for that lesson. It’s something I needed.

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