I caught myself red-handed. There I was saying to myself, “I have just as good a chance as any! I’m successful! ”
And then crippling self-sabotage rolled in and scoffed at me. “Ha! You think you’re good enough? Do you actually think this is something for you? You’re a complete fucking fraud and you suck, my friend. Don’t delude yourself. You’ll see that when the results come in. I guarantee it.”
So there I was, deer in the headlights at a crossroad. I had to decide if I was going to run back to my comfort zone and hide like I often do, or if I was going to tell self-sabotage to go fuck herself.
Then she came back with something even more cutting. “Well, if you do this, you have to step down from this other thing. You’re letting everyone down. They needed you, counted on you, and you failed them. Shame on you for shirking responsibility in favor of your ego.”
But I knew this was a test. I had to ask myself how badly I wanted to beat this self-sabotage thing I have going on. If I can’t say yes to this – how can I do the Sorath work I’m heading toward since this is the exact type of thing that work would help to manifest?”
Despite the guilt and ill feelings, and the anxiety of the possibility it will prove that I actually suck, I swallowed my pride, told self-sabotage to stick it in her ass, and accepted. Albeit, probably not as graciously as I could have.
Now I’m sitting here writing up a list of all the things I’ve bowed out of over the years because self-sabotage told me I wasn’t good enough, or to put my undeserved ego in park, or that people didn’t really like me. It’s an embarrassingly long list.
Yes, folks, you are reading this right. Even I feel self doubt and don’t think I’m good enough at times. It’s so very human. Of course the reality is if this situation were about magick or Daemons I probably wouldn’t have had nearly this much anxiety and self-doubt.
All of this said — this is my tentative daily magickal schedule for at least the first two weeks of March 2017 in my Bathin upon Ashtaroth Kick Self-Sabotage’s Ass Extravaganza for #domagick
- Sundays: Yoga + Pranayama – For energy, mindfulness, and balance.
- Mondays: Bathin Offering & Prayers
- Tuesdays: Ashtaroth Offering & Prayers
- Wednesdays: Sigil Launching Meditations
- Thursdays: Bathin Invocation + Divination Work
- Fridays: Ashtaroth Invocation + Ascension Work
- Saturdays: Qigong + Chakra Balancing Work – For myself and my own insight.
Most of all — during the entire month of March — I am going to say YES to every single opportunity regarding the one thing that comes my way whether it causes anxiety or self doubt – or not. If you are one of my close friends and you know what I’m talking about — now would be the time to throw an opportunity my way. LOL. I have to say yes.