Today was just a really bizarre day. It challenged my endurance, and yet I got a great deal done. It also made me evaluate some of my priorities and challenged my own perceptions of my career. I am faced with a truth that I can either resist and change, or resign to. I need to figure out why this bothers me so much. For most people, they’d likely be thrilled either way. Whereas I’m sitting on the fence wondering if I should continue trying to serve two masters, when one of them drives me insane half the time. I know – cryptic nonsensical talk, but that’s about as detailed as I wish to get about the subject. The fact is – I am who I am, and I can’t change the fact that I have talents. I can either choose to share those talents with the world, or not. Keeping them to myself would be a complete waste, even if it did mean a quieter life with less stress.
This brings up the same question to all of you reading this. What talents do you have, and are you sharing them with the world? There are people out there who would say that if you have a talent – you have a duty to share it with others. I am curious how others feel about their talents and am curious how others are sharing their talents. (I hope you are – because the world needs more good things whether it’s art, baked goods, music, inspiration, or just someone who brightens everyone’s day with a smile!)
It was also my last day of Ashtaroth invocation and the thing I noticed working with Ashtaroth’s influence surrounding me, was that even in chaos I felt connected to others and to myself. And I didn’t get worked up even when the going got tough and I had to juggle playing cheerleader, counselor, payroll goddess, friend, sister, daughter, wife, taxi, cat-mom, problem solver, writer, magician, blogger, entrepeneur, business owner etc… Truth be told there were times I WANTED to freak out — bad. Or lose my shit. But for some reason it was almost as if that part of myself was separate from me, and I was looking at it from the outside. It wasn’t a bad feeling. It was eye-opening.
I didn’t even freak out at the patch of new “silver” hairs (I’m not going gray, I’m going silver) on my right temple today. Despite all of this – I still need to chill the fuck out, because my dentist called me out on my teeth grinding last week, and people only grind their teeth when they’re stressed. LOL In good news – got my “damage report” back from my accountant. I guess having major surgery and spending at least 10% of your adjusted gross income on healthcare was a good place to be, even though it felt like “HOLY FUCK $$$$” at the time. Seriously – it IS cheaper to die. Ha!
Yes – I started my day with my invocation to Ashtaroth. I closed it with my balancing/chakra meditation. Everything in between was errand running, day-job, commuting, spouse time, and so on.
Someone wrote me an email day before yesterday asking if I am doing the magick on top of my existing daily work and the answer is yes. My typical non-#domagick day always starts with me getting up, feeding the cats, starting the coffee, going into the temple, lighting a candle, saying a prayer, and leaving an offering of some type. My night always ends with meditation before bed. Always. So really, I’m just adding an extra 15-45 minutes of work a day. About an hour and a half if you including the blogging.
I am pleased with the Ashtaroth work. I did manage three days of exercise. I managed a few thousand words. I managed (beyond my expectations) to curb my self sabotage and observe myself, and my emotions without being nearly as reactive as I could have been. I have not dropped into depression. I got good news. 21 days in – and I’m feeling pretty positive about the manifestations so far.
It’s time to change things up! Starting tomorrow (through the 28th), I’ll be doing daily morning Invocations to Bathin and carrying his sigil while I focus on cultivating solid work habits that are supportive to nurturing myself and my Great Work instead of sabotaging it. Again, I really like the chakra balancing and feel like I’m benefitting greatly from it, so I think I’ll keep up with it. I am also going to continue with the walking three times a week. I seem to be doing better with that than the yoga, but I think I need the yoga. My back has been sore. I will also continue asking myself to write 1500 words a day (not including blog posts) – except during NovelRama, when I will be shooting for 7000 words a day. Since this week is going to be focusing on cultivating the good work habits — the word count is going to be a solid part of the magick.
Today’s Tarot Card: Nine of Pentacles: Discipline and Rewards from Hard Work. The tides are turning and with any luck, I am well on my way to the Sorath work.