Anne O'Connell,  creativity,  erotica,  the writing life

5 Steps to Getting Creative in the Bedroom

Someone’s eyes just popped out of their head, and Auntie Mavis is clutching her pearls. But let’s face it, for some couples, the same vanilla sex day in, day out, becomes a monotonous exercise in, well, getting off. Here are a few tips for adding some spice back into your love life and keeping things in the bedroom creative and interesting:

  1. Communication: This is the most important step IMO. All relationships are based on communication and trust, and the first step to keeping things spicy is to communicate your desires to your partner. Perhaps you each could write a list of your most intimate fantasies and share them with one another. Express any concerns you may have, or what scares you. Work through sexual hang-ups together. Don’t be afraid to talk about your fetishes or kinks. A partner you can’t talk to about these things is probably a partner that isn’t right for you.
  2. CosPlay + Roleplaying : Perhaps your partner is the debonair knight, and you’re the princess trapped in the tower – but (s)he’ll only save you if you promise to give yourself to him/her completely. Or maybe you’re the Dom shopping for a new sex slave. As long as you both consent to roleplay and are willing to go with it – why not? It could be fun. Plus – costumes! Sure, they’re going to end up a heap on the bedroom floor, but the anticipation and the fantasy is one of the best parts.
  3. Add some light bondage and discipline to your sexual menu. Don’t jump into the hard stuff outright. Maybe a paddle and some padded wrist-cuffs to start. See how you like it first. Do some reading on the subject, including rules for safe play. Then move forward from there. Again, it’s important that both partners consent and understand their role during play. Do you want to be the dominant? The submissive? Do you want to take turns?
  4. If some of the above sounds a bit too racy for you, there’s no reason you can’t try a new position. Have a copy of The Joy of Sex or the Kamasutra at the ready if you feel like you’re running out of ideas.
  5. Invest in some new toys. Together, browse an online catalog of sex toys and see what interests you both. Then buy a couple and try them out.

Again, I think the first tip is the most important. Being able to communicate your needs and desires with your partner is the only way you’ll both get the sexual satisfaction and sexual creativity you crave.

For some wonderfully kinky ideas, check out some of my steamy fiction, which you can read with your partner.

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at

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