“Will You Make Me Rich?” and Other Bizarre Questions

Recently I confided in a friend how busy, and sometimes irritating, my mailbox is.  I know that sounds insincere and snotty, but really – hear me out.

Some days you get nothing and other days it’s an onslaught of inquiries – some of them from awesome readers and others really “out there” in the ether. One of the drawbacks to being an occult author, teacher, and magician-for-hire (who works with Daemons), is you get a lot really strange crap in your mail.

  • Christians and non-magician people contacting you to do impossible things for them.
  • Needy dabblers and beginners who need constant validation or hand-holding.
  • Special snowflakes who want you to validate their specialness
  • People who want something from you for nothing.
  • Readers who think you owe them something.
  • Writers who want expect you to help them get their foot in the door.

These are the people who make going through the mail a veritable chore.

Just this week alone I’ve gotten one request from a woman to make her crush love her, even though he told her had no interest whatsoever. I’ve gotten two requests to make people rich, and one request to heal an incurable disease.   Because Daemons are mere fallen angels to these people, and Hollywood has convinced them that Daemons will do whatever you want – including the impossible. When you tell them you view the Daemonic as “Divine Intelligence”, these are the folks who will argue with you and tell you you’re wrong – forget that you’ve been working with Daemons for over thirty years. Their religious beliefs, that they’ve been indoctrinated in since birth, despite no previous real working experience with the Daemonic, are the gospel.

Needless to say I spent most of this week turning down a lot of magickal work, like I do every week.  As a matter-of-fact, I probably turn more magickal work down than I take. If I were unethical I could likely make a full blown career out of bilking naive, superstitious people who believe everything they’re told and/or see on television. But I’m not that kind of person. Lucky for them.

Then there are the dabblers and beginners who need constant validation. I get at least three of these a week. Now let me point out right now that there is NOTHING wrong with being a beginner. We all started somewhere. However, the clingy beginner who tries to bogart all of an author’s time by constantly emailing them with basic (or easily googled questions) or who often write to the author about their “oh so special unique snowflake” experiences so you can validate them is really annoying. I’m sorry, but it is. I don’t mind the occasional well thought question or the, “Hi. I really love your books.”  That’s awesome and I love to hear from people who are inspired by my work or who have questions I haven’t answered in one of my books. I don’t even mind the sharing of experiences if I’ve ASKED for people to share, or it’s somehow relevant to an ongoing conversation. I sometimes don’t mind listening to shared experiences IF its relevant to a question. Like, “Did B happen because I did A?”

It’s the uninvited, random sharing, for the purpose of getting validation that annoys me.  It’s the questions that can easily be answered by a google search that annoy me. It’s the questions I’ve already answered in books the letter writer has allegedly already read.

If the question about an experience is ever one of the following:

  • Is this normal? (Answer is almost always, depends on the person.)
  • Does this sound right to you? (Answer is almost always, depends on the person.)
  • Do you think I’m a natural witch? (Answer is almost always, Don’t know – what do you think?)
  • Do you think I’m chosen? (Answer is almost always, Don’t know – what do you think?)
  • Am I being haunted/stalked/targeted by a dark entity? (Answer is almost always, Probably not, you’ve just psyched yourself into believing it.)
  • Do you think I’ve been cursed?  (Answer is almost always, Probably not, you’ve just psyched yourself into believing it.)
  • Do you think I’m special? (Answer is almost always, Yes, but not the kind of special you think you are.)
  • Have you ever heard of this before? (Answer is almost always, Yes.)

I do try to answer the personal experience emails politely. Not all of them are completely terrible. They just really get under my skin because it takes like 5+ minutes to read it, and then 5+ minutes to respond to it in a thoughtful manner, and I waste a good half hour or more a week dealing with email like this.

Of course there are always the emails that start with the writer giving his/her life story and end with:  “Will you teach me or take me on as a student? I’m really sincere.”

I have no doubt they’re sincere. In that moment. I always tell people they’re welcome to join my public classes.  I don’t take on personal students. No exceptions. None of this is a big secret. Anyone who knows what Daemonolatry is and who I am knows there are classes available. They also know that I don’t take on personal students.  Basically what this question actually translates to is this: “I want someone to pay attention to me, answer my questions when I want, listen to all my woes, and be at my beck and call. And I have no intention of paying for it. A structured class is too much work and might require me to do something, or I won’t be the center of attention in a class with other students. So I won’t even apply for a scholarship.”

Yes, I could be wrong, but judging by the fact that none of these people EVER sign up for classes or apply for FREE scholarships into my classes tells me that they really aren’t serious about learning and that I made the right decision saying no.

Along with these people are the “woe is me” crowd. The victims who always have questions about what kind of magick they should do to solve all their earthly woes. I get about one of these a week. What I want to say most of the time is, “Buck up, if you want to be a magician –  be a fucking magician, and create the life you want, damn it! With your victim attitude all of the magick in the world won’t help you!”  I refrain, of course. I just bitch to my friends about it and blog about it. LOL

Again, don’t get me wrong. A lot of people who don’t have this attitude do contact me asking for suggestions for magick  and I don’t mind that. They’re just asking for suggestions. I give them suggestions. Everyone is happy. They go on their merry way and I may not hear from them for a long while after that.  The victim, on the other hand, is the one where none of the magick I suggest ever works and they keep coming back again and again seeking more suggestions leaving me to wonder if they’re just squibs.  Realistically  I presume they like the drama of ineffectual magick, or they’re hoping to find the magick pill to cure all their ills. Or perhaps they’re hoping I’ll say, “Nevermind, let me do it for you – for free.”  Which will never happen.

It amazes me how, as an author, there are some people who just want a piece of you. They feel it’s their due. They bought your book so you owe them something. Not to be rude, but if you bought the book, you got the book. That transaction is finished. The author owes you nothing else.

Finally, there are the writers. I get a ton of these emails every month. I wrote an entire post on that because that warranted its own post. That email is its own beast.

Again – don’t get me wrong – the majority of readers are amazing and awesome. It’s those select few who make me want a vacation from my mail because I spend at least two hours a week (often more) dealing with this kind of annoying crap.   It’s the reason I have an assistant truth be told. And yes, some mail goes unanswered just because it’s SO out there or so insulting or annoying that I adhere to the advice of my mother. “If you have nothing nice to say, better to say nothing at all.”   Or I just write a blog post to get  it off my chest. 😉

Thanks for reading and THANK YOU for not being annoying. lol

 

About Steph

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at swordarkeereon@gmail.com

2 Replies to ““Will You Make Me Rich?” and Other Bizarre Questions”

    • Actually I DO find that comforting. LOL! I was kind of worried there that maybe I was alone in getting this kind of email. I thought maybe it was because I’m a woman that people think I’ll be more apt to put up with their crap. 🙂 Glad to hear that’s not the case!

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