A Malkuth of Me,  Magick,  S. Connolly

Initiation – Again

So tonight, while reading through Qliphoth Opus III, I was again confronted with that same proclamation that “True” initiation involves complete deconstruction while one attempts to traverse Da’ath.

I have broached this subject in several posts HERE and HERE. I’m still not sure how I feel about this.  Personally, I find it rather bold to suggest that the more tragedy one experiences, the more deconstructed one is, the more deeply “initiated” one becomes. Certainly our experiences shape us. Certainly they change how we think and view the world. However, is it just because one experiences this deconstruction that they also experience initiation? Or can we at least say that it’s how they emerge the other side that defines this alleged initiatory experience?

After all, I’ve met folks who have never recovered from their losses and continue to live in the past, never moving forward. I’ve met people whose bad situations turned them into victims of circumstance and they’ve never been able to shed that victim mentality. To my mind – a traumatic, life changing experience is only beneficial if one becomes stronger afterward and learns to cope and live with their situation, or overcome it altogether. Otherwise it cripples.

Perhaps this is my ego talking, and as we all know – ego is a horrific thing that should be avoided at all costs.  [Yes, insert snark.]

Look, I’ve been there. I’ve experienced the pain of loss, severe depression, near death experience, and even the trauma of childhood molestation, but I grew and became a stronger person because of these things. Never a victim. Are these the only experiences worthy of my initiation? What about those moments of overbearing clarity? Or those moments of such vivid connection to the divine where you feel like you’re high? Or those times I’ve come to profound realizations that perhaps, those older and wiser than me had already experienced, but for me it was the first time and it was a spiritual epiphany? Are those not also parts of initiation?

As I see it we all go through numerous initiations during our personal pathwork. Some of it is subtle and unassuming. Some of it is profound and life changing. Some of it stems from positive events. Some of it stems from negative events.  Just because the most profound changes come with a jolt doesn’t mean all changes do. This also doesn’t mean we should focus on the bad and find comfort in someone saying, “Well, you know, at least you’re now a true initiate.”

If it meant having a loved one back from the other side, or having foregone a painful trauma like an accident, rape, or severe bout of depression – I certainly think we would all have happily given up our “initiations” long ago.

I’m not saying good doesn’t come from bad or that we can’t grow from bad experiences, but can we, should we, only measure spiritual growth from the negative? It’s something to consider.

This is also where keeping journals is important. It’s a lot easier to track personal growth during non-traumatic or non-life-altering stages in personal pathwork if you keep a journal. Just my two cents.

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at swordarkeereon@gmail.com


  • Chris

    I’ve had these very same thoughts having read similar things about initiation and having survived a pretty bad car wreck last year. For at least a while, I truly wondered if there was a personal initiation aspect to it all, as I was truly “broken” for a time.. I still do! If nothing else, lessons were taught that will stay with me. Of course, none of it would matter if one were not trying to gain experience and knowledge to begin with and the rewards of doing THAT come from learning from mistakes and success (positives), but maybe I am just an optimist lol I don’t think we purely grow from negatives, but we can certainly learn something from them.

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