Magick,  rituals,  S. Connolly,  Spirituality

Are you there Daemon? It’s me, Magus.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot how some Daemonolaters go through ritual after ritual in some attempt to find and connect with their Patron/Matron (aka Guardian Daemon, Mentor etc…). I am often asked the question, “How do I connect to the Daemonic divine?”  I always answer the same. “You have to work with the Daemons.”  Sometimes this can be achieved through extended rituals such as Kasdeya or other forms of extended pathwork.

On the other side of that coin there are those of us who have always known the identity of this particular spirit (usually due to  a near death experience or experiencing some other traumatic event).  I, myself, had two near death experiences as a child. I was sexually molested when I was ten.  So by the time I was seventeen I’d experienced enough physical and emotional trauma and enough paranormal activity to know that firstly – I was a magician, and secondly, after some ritual work, who my Patron was.   I know many other Daemonolaters who have a similar backstory and a similar connection with their Daemonic Patron/Matron.

Some people believe that in order to develop this connection one needs to actually be deconstructed and then reconstructed via ritual work. Kind of like in some traditions the belief is that in order to connect with the HGA (a very similar concept to a Matron/Patron or Guardian Daemon as some call them) the magician must go through extended ritual work and be deconstructed while crossing Da’ath. This deconstruction facilitates a closer connection to the divine source and opens the magician’s senses to what lies beyond the veil.

My dear friend Goetic Nick has, for several years now, argued that not everyone needs to be deconstructed while crossing Da’ath in order to find or develop that connection. I’ve always agreed with him for the simple fact that my Kasdeya experience and my Abramelin experience weren’t nearly as traumatizing for me as they have been for other people I’ve known. Some people really do believe that if these rituals don’t completely destroy you and rebuild you, that you didn’t do them right. Clearly I disagree. Don’t get me wrong – I learned a great deal from both my Kasdeya and from performing Abramelin.  It’s just that my life wasn’t flipped upside down as happens with some people and I’ve never had an issue connecting or feeling connected to the Daemonic or my Patron.

So maybe there is something to be said for trauma or deconstruction and connection, but some of us experience enough life trauma that we don’t need ritually induced trauma to make it.

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at


  • Anne-Marie

    I’ve been working with various demons for about two years now having first been introduced to the practice through your books. You might say that I know nothing about the occult except that which you’ve written in your books because I’ve read them all. Also, on the youtubes, you once said “I don’t know what the rush is in performing a self dedication”. So I’ve taken my time and tried to do several experiments mainly during the solstices and equinoxes to see what energy felt right. I’ve also read in Art of Creative Magick that you recommended decorating a space with tapestries and artwork to give it a certain feel conducive to practicing magic. And that’s what this questions about. I’m pretty sure that I’ve pissed off whatever chance I’ve had of working with the demons in the pillars of the sisters, as potential matrons, by hanging up various Tibetan tapestries in my ritual space. Prior to the first rite of Leviathan this spring I’m taking the tapestries down, purifying the space with salt-water-oleum, and burning calamus. Does this sound completely mentally insane or is it completely conceivable that the matron demons could be well *tempermental* like that, and throw a bunch of angry shit at me in dreams, visions and post-ritual experience because of a negative reaction to a wall hanging. Sorry if this is a little off topic, but I just thought I’d finally get a chance to ask.

  • Steph

    I have never had my decor questioned by the Daemonic, nor has it angered them. I have a small buddhist altar in my ritual space, along with numerous Egyptian deity statues, a Baphomet, a goat skull, and Celtic tapestries. None of that has ever upset a Daemon to my knowledge and I’ve been doing this for a good 28 years. I do have to wonder if it might be fear related? Oftentimes if you approach the Daemonic with fear, it will give you something to fear. Just like some magicians who approach the Daemonic with disdain or arrogance often find themselves being physically attacked. Daemons are relatively neutral spirits. We’re the ones who assign positive or negative to their attributes and we, as humans, have that nasty habit of anthropomorphizing spirits (giving them human attributes and emotions). So I have to wonder if there’s something else going on here. Never underestimate the power of your own mind and how spirits will react to it. If you truly believe the tapestries are offensive to them – they may very well approach the tapestries that way. But only because you’ve “told them” it’s something that is offensive.

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