I Get It Now

I am not a feminist. As a matter of fact, I’ve always seen feminism as being somewhat fanatical. I’m also not a politically correct person. I’m not even a bleeding heart liberal. I’m a realist.

While I don’t advocate getting rid of social programs completely, I do believe they should be re-evaluated and modified to be more efficient.  I’m for moderation in all things.

One thing I’ve always been is pro-choice.  That doesn’t mean I’m pro-death or that I’m a baby killer (I’ve been accused of both). I’m actually a very spiritual person and would never have an abortion myself.

Being pro-choice just means I don’t think it’s any of my business what a woman and her family decide to do when it comes to their family planning.  If they choose to abort – it’s their decision and they have to live with the consequences. And if they do end up having to answer to a deity – then that’s something they have to answer to.   Not me, not you.

Just as if I got pregnant tomorrow, it would be my choice to not have an abortion. I’m in a good position to have kids though – and that’s me and my family’s choice (not yours or anyone else’s). 

I’ve always thought (and perhaps naively so) that all pro-lifers were just people who respected life so much that they really believed in their hearts that abortion was actually murder.

Well – the 2×4 of reality smacked me upside the head last night.  George Carlin was right all along. So many pro-lifers are all about preventing abortion, but once you’re born – you’re on your own!

Here’s what happened: I met a pro-life guy who started out giving me the sob story that life was sacred and I was a baby killer (as all pro-choice liberals are – we kill millions of babies daily don’t cha know?) But after talking to him (about his political ideology) for awhile the truth came out.

He didn’t care about life at all.  He was against all social programs including health care for impoverished children (and women), WIC, and food stamps. After all – he had to make it on his own merit. Everyone else should have to, too!

Well, to a degree I agree with him, but I don’t agree that we should cut healthcare and food programs for children born into poverty. That’s more wrong to me than abortion! At least an aborted fetus doesn’t feel the pain of starvation and doesn’t have to worry about access to necessary healthcare. Cutting social programs like those has the potential to cause the death of hundreds of children (and possibly women) every year.

I explained this to him and he came right out and told me that his biggest concern was that women who had premarital sex and got pregnant should have to pay the consequences for that indiscretion by being forced to give birth to an unwanted child and keep it. After all, there would be no state programs for adoption or foster care, or social services to help unwanted children find homes.

And when I said, “What if the reason she wanted the abortion was because she couldn’t feed that child…”

His response was, “Tough. That’s not my problem. If she can’t work and pay her own way then she and child should starve to death. There should be no social programs to help irresponsible people out. No one helps me.”

So evidently it is more humane to allow an innocent child (who had no choice about the circumstances of his birth) starve to death, then allow a poverty stricken woman to have an abortion (even if she pays for it herself). Nope – she needed to be taught a lesson and if her child had to starve to death to teach her that lesson – so be it.

It was the coldest, most crass thing I’ve ever heard. The child wasn’t even talked about like it was a real person. No, it was just her mistake and burden. Not once was any mention made about consequence for the MALE (after all it does take both a male and female to reproduce). No. Evidently the child wasn’t the male’s responsibility. Just the woman’s.

I really feel that this was the first time in my adult life where I actually understood misogeny in a way I’ve never “gotten” it before. I mean – I’ve faced sex discrimination and sexist behavior over the years. That’s child’s play to me. But this went beyond that. This man truly seemed to hate women and view them as lesser beings. As a burden to him personally. It makes me wonder if he accidentally got a woman pregnant, ended up having to pay child support (which is fair) and is now resentful that she got pregnant and now he wants all women to suffer like he’s had to by being forced to pay for a child that wasn’t wanted.

How many more like him are there?  How many men who feel trapped and resentful about their responsibilities as father and bread-winner who think that because they’re suffering – others should be forced to suffer, too?

Since most of the pro-lifers I meet seem to be virgin teen-aged girls with very idealized (and naive) views of love, sex and marriage, really old women who no one would fuck anyway, and men – it really does make me wonder how much of the pro-life movement is really about punishing women and making them suffer rather than a genuine respect and love for life.  Either way, I’ve lost all respect for the pro-life movement as a whole. Maybe there are people within it who really do view life as sacred, but how many don’t?

I think it’s a fair question.