Childhood Trauma-O-Rama

My 20-Year HS Reunion was this past weekend. I didn’t go. But it is the event that sparked this post.

With the advent of social networking sites like Facebook, more and more people look up and reconnect with their childhood friends. It’s really amazing how the people of that time frame seem to effect us. It’s also interesting how nostalgic people are to reconnect.

I have reconnected with about twelve people from my gradeschool through high school years. A few I’ve really enjoyed spending some time with. Of course reconnecting with old friends often means finding out what happened to the people who tormented you or wouldn’t give you the time of day back then as well.

I was a very introverted child. I was always very artistic and creative. Deeply emotional to a fault. And above all else – insecure as hell. It’s interesting to me to see some of those feelings of insecurity resurface now, 20 years later, when I end up coming back into contact with these people. After all – I wasn’t good enough for them then (or at least that’s how I felt treated.) And who knows if they really felt that way, or if I was merely *thinking* that’s how they felt. Not to mention we were cruel teenagers back then and people grow up, right? 

My adult life has been wonderful and just keeps getting better. I’m a bit more confident now, albeit still shy around people I don’t know. Sometimes to an embarrassing fault. So why is it I can’t bring myself to go to any “reunion” of any sort or to a friend’s book signing just because I know some of old “snob gang” will be there? I’m a grown woman, for Christ’s sake, and a successful one at that.

This is definitely one of those things I probably ought to ponder and figure out why I’m feeling so insecure all of a sudden. I haven’t felt this self conscious since High School. Perhaps I should just go and see what happens. If I’m snubbed, so be it. I’ve lived this long without those people, right? What they think of me doesn’t amount to a hill of beans, nor has it dictated my successes or failures in life.

About Steph

Steph is an award winning and bestselling author of thrilling steamy and paranormal romances, dark urban fantasy, occult horror-thrillers, cozy mysteries, contemporary romance, sword and sorcery fantasy, and books about the esoteric and Daemonolatry. A Daemonolatress and forever a resident of Smelt Isle, she is happily married and cat-mom to three pampered house cats. Her muse is a demanding sadistic Dom who often keeps her up into the wee hours of the morning. You can contact her at swordarkeereon@gmail.com

4 Replies to “Childhood Trauma-O-Rama”

  1. I understand what you are feeling. I have been avoiding going to any high school reunion for years. I sometimes wonder if it is a trait among writers to aviod such things because we live in "our heads" so much. (We need a larger sample to actually determine if it is a trend or not.)

  2. I’ve been experiencing the same thing on facebook. It’s really dug up a lot of issues for me, and led me to have some unpleasant feelings, feelings I haven’t had, since, well, childhood. I am happy now with my life, I am happily married and I love my job and my church and I have a really good circle of friends. But whenever I am faced with someone from my childhood, even if it was a friend, all these unpleasant feelings come back. And if I have an unpleasant interaction with one of them, it affects me really badly. Moreso than an unpleasant interaction with someone I didn’t know from childhood. I wish I could make peace with it.

  3. You’re not alone. I’m still grappling with this – especially after a friend from highschool, a woman I actually spent time with until I was about twenty-five years old, completely decided to break ties with me with no real explantion (not that she owed me one). So I found myself thinking terrible things like, “She must think she’s better than me.” “She must really hate me.” “What did I ever do to her?” But then I reminded myself that people sometimes leave our life for a reason. There’s a reason she and I stopped hanging out back then. We went in two opposite directions. We no longer had anything in commone and honestly – I think it was for the best we went our separate ways. In our youth we competed mercilessly over everything. She always hated me for being who I was, and I resented her for always insulting my intelligence. It was ugly. We were pretty ugly to eachother. Some relationships should never be rekindled. It still hurts though.

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