Woke up late. No dreams, but didn’t sleep well. Skipped yoga but remembered vitamins. Late to the office.
- Today’s Focus: Data Entry + Commission + Niece Pick Up + Bank Run
- Tonight’s Focus: Cook dinner, spend time with spouse.
Notice how writing is scheduled nowhere in there. Not. one. fucking. word. Yes I’m feeling resentful and angry at myself for being stuck in a self-created position where I have so many other obligations that my Work suffers. I can’t even find 15 minutes for fucking yoga or a God-damned walk. So, aside from my piss poor mood today and the chronic pain in my hands (I am back in hand/wrist braces) I will manage my mediation in the very least. I did the Bathin dream work last night instead of tonight with no results whatsoever. Not that I expected any. When I am overwhelmed in other parts of my life, dream walking is difficult for me. I know this about myself.
I managed maybe an 50 additional words last night. We’ll see if today produces anything useful.
We’re short handed at the office again, so I have to do all my work + the running + someone else’s work. And somehow I have to manage all of it before 6PM with the added hour delay of picking up my niece. SO glad she’s going to another school next year. Love the kid, but these pick ups with my busy schedule are kind of brutal. I just have to make it until May.
Tarot Card of the Day: 10 of Wands
HAHA! The card of resentment caused by taking on too much! Time to delegate and pare down the responsibilities. This is just so relevant… I’m still laughing.
The day is still young. Perhaps my mood will improve.
Mood did improve as the day went on! Finished everything at the office that I could and I feel somewhat good about what I did get done. Wore my hand/wrist braces most of the day and my hands feel a little better tonight. Slow baby steps. Didn’t feel like cooking so ordered pizza, which was a mistake because now I feel ill. Spent time with spouse and watched a Big Bang Theory and Agents of Shield on the DVR. No taxes prep done. I am focusing on that tomorrow.
A short five minute duration of stretches done, but still no yoga. Tomorrow is another day. Did 25 minutes of elemental balancing and chakra work. I feel more balanced, but I also feel like just surrendering to the current of life instead of swimming against it. I need to find a way to go with the current, but still control my trajectory. Everything is out of sync.
Tonight there will be no attempted dream work. I need a night of complete rest. No Daemonic communication or input so far, but I think I know why. They’re stepping back so I can work this one out for myself. To be honest, I’m glad for that. My experience tells me that once I calm myself and find my center, we can move forward again. But because my schedule is so chaotic, there’s little they can do while I’m being pulled in so many different directions. Getting myself to calmer waters is MY job. Not theirs. Such is the way of self-work.
Words written today – 0 so far. I am tempted to start berating myself for this, but clearly there’s a reason the words aren’t coming. Now, more than ever, I need to go easy on myself and accept that the writing isn’t happening because my non-writing life is just so busy that I’m exhausted by the time I finish all my to-do’s. But I still have time for the magick – go figure. Probably because it’s not taxing magick, like invocation, excessive energy work, or anything that requires a lot of energy spent (unless you count self analysis).
- Word Count: 0 (might need to resort to some reverse psychology on myself)
- Balancing Meditation/Chakra: 25 minutes
- Sun Salutations: 0, but some light stretching, which is an improvement.
- Vitamins: Yes
- Tarot Card: Yes – see above.
Let’s see if I can’t get my shit together this weekend. Aside from a few honey-do’s, I should be able to focus on taxes, readings, writing, and magickal work.