Guest Blog: How to Introduce BDSM into Your Bedroom

Today’s Guest Blog is written by a friend of mine who is an experienced Domme, but not a writer by nature.  I hear a lot, from my readers how they’d like to delve into BDSM with their partners, but they’re not sure how to bring it up or get started. For this, my friend Domme Anon has a few tips!

When it comes to satisfaction, the level of which we have it can vary. Sure, we’re satisfied with the lunch we had today. Maybe we’re kind of satisfied with our waistline and we’re plenty satisfied with the new haircut we got, but what about your sexual satisfaction? Is yours up to par?

Our sexual satisfaction is easy to take care of on our own, but not always so easy to guarantee when there’s someone else involved. They can rock our worlds or fall a little flat and telling someone Telling someone they fall a little flat isn’t as easy as sending your salad back and having it tossed again (all puns intended). So what do you do, specifically, when you have a certain fetish need that needs scratching and it just isn’t happening? It definitely makes an uncomfortable situation even tougher.

A really great way to liven things up in your bedroom again is to try dabbling in a little BDSM, but broaching the subject with an unknowing partner can be tricky. Use this as a BDSM guideline to get your bedroom fun again, your partner participating and your satisfaction skyrocketing.

At this point, it seems like there’s a definite need for communication. It’s a problem if you’re bored, unhappy or unsatisfied, so speak up. Let your partner know that you’re interested in making a change in the bedroom and want to try some new things. Reassure them that you care about them, but that you just want to get a little more out of your bedroom activity. With that, introduce them to the idea of BDSM and explain why you’re interested in it. Consider reading them a few pages from one of your favorite BDSM erotic novels if they seem a little confused. Talk to them about the different roles in a BDSM relationship and what exactly BDSM entails.

Hopefully, they will be interested or at the very least, willing to try it for you. If that’s the case, you will need to discuss ground rules, limits and safe words. Be sure you know what the two of you are and aren’t willing to do, what you’re interested in, who will do what and what your safe word will be. These are all very important facets that absolutely need be discussed, because it will ensure that both of you will be safe and that no one gets pushed beyond their mental, physical or emotional limit.

One or both of you will likely still be nervous about experimenting, so move slowly into this territory. Start lightly by incorporating household props like ties, rope, scarves, ice, and even a sleep mask. These will give you both the chance to get used to using toys as a source of control and restraint without being too intimidating or costing you a dime.

Have the Dom tie the subs hands and feet together or to the bed. Have them use the eye mask as a blindfold and tease the sub with the ice. Be sure to talk afterwards about what both of you liked and didn’t like, so you know how to proceed.

Consider upgrading once you’ve gotten comfortable with the household toys. You can go to places like Adam & Eve and get actual restraint systems, a sex swing or whip and smaller props like ben wa balls, cock rings, and a vibrator. Take some time to explore your options and pick something out that you want, something that your partner wants and something you are both interested in.

Introducing toys can help the Dom feel more in control. If this isn’t enough for both of you, consider assigning pet names to each other and adding deeper layers to the control aspect that don’t involve sex, and exploring different fetishes you could include.

Remember to always practice safely and with an open mind. Have fun!